i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just want nice things and good sex
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
