I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
