i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
