Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ladies don't puke and tell
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
