Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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