it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think I sprained my soul last night
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
