We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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