Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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