have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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