he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
