hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize