i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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