how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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