Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We left the knife in your bed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize