It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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