You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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