what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize