he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this just has baby written all over it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
