fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize