In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
