Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
