Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
