if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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