Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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