So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
