I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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