that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
