Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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