I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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