Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
