called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
