I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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