no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
