it's too hot outside to masturbate.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
