guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
