Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize