and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
