Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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