I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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