so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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