hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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