Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
