OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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