Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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