it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
