Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
