He uses pillows to masturbate.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize