Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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