Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
