The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Randomize
