i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
