Me. At least after what I've been through.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
