My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
