You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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