I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i will never coherently bang her
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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