Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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