I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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