I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
