wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
