and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I wear drunk well.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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