Ambien. No doubt about it.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
