Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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