What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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