omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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