PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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