Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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