you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
