i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
sarcasm needs its own font
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
