So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
