someone get that fucking seahorse.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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