You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
