Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
