We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
