is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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